Mother's Day brings up a complex feelings for me.

Mother's Day brings up complex feelings for me.

My Mom died in 2002, after a very short bout with stomach cancer, a few weeks after her 56th birthday, and a few weeks before my 25th.

She was my person. She loved me unconditionally. She pushed me to try my best (and she could always tell when I was phoning it in 😉). She held me when I cried. She told me to "just go get it done" when I whined and procrastinated. She loved life, she loved being a mom, and she loved me.

So Mother's Day 2003 sucked. A lot. And every Mother's Day since then, to some degree. Because I miss her. And when I see other people my age (or older) with their mothers, I feel pissed off and jealous.

And then, in November 2013 I became a mom... to the most amazing, smart, creative, fiery girl in the world.

And so Mother's Day shifted... a little. Yes, now *I'm* the mom who loves life, loves being a mom, and loves my daughter. So okay, we can celebrate me a little on this day. 😉

And yet.

I still miss my Mom so much.

So honestly, no, I don't really love Mother's Day. It's still more sad than joyful for me.

Yes, I love spending time with my daughter. And this year was no different - we had a great time shopping for a dress for her upcoming 5th grade graduation. I'll let you imagine her beaming face when she found just the right dress. 🤩

And then... I went to a coffee shop and spent some quality time alone. ❤️ In part because one of the things I do love as an often over-stretched Mom is a little alone time. But mostly because I wanted time and space to process my feelings.

And what better place to find alone time than a crowded coffee shop in Brooklyn where everyone is delightfully occupied with their own thing and actively ignoring each other? 😁

On days like Mother's Day, I am reminded we humans can feel many things all at once - sadness, joy, pain, love. It's pretty amazing, when you think about it. Overwhelming at times, yes, but mostly amazing.

And yet. I often feel the impulse to reduce my feelings, to push them aside so I'm only experiencing one at a time (or none 😬).

So here's your reminder (if you're like me and you need it), to let yourself feel all the things. To let the amazing mess of it all wash over you.

Whoever you are, and whatever the words mother, mom, mommy, and all their permutations mean to you - I hope you know that you are a beautiful, worthy human who deserves the chance to feel whatever this day brings up for you. ❤️

(Photo: Me in my neighborhood coffee shop, enjoying my Mother's Day alone time. (Not pictured, me also crying a little in my neighborhood coffee shop on Mother's Day...))